Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize