if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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