i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
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I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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