Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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