I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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