so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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