there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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