don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize