I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
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she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
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If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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