Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
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Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize