So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize