I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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