everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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