I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
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The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
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To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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