man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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