this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
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Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
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I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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