I think i peed on brittanys purse
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
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