Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize