I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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