Swine flu. Run for my life!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
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Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
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Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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