carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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