Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did my mother make you get naked?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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