party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
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Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
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We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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