I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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