True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i will never coherently bang her
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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