I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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