I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
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