Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
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on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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