Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm like, not good at living.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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