I just made out with a guy for $7.
I can text with my tongue
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize