Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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