his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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