I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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