It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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