Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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