If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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