today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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