3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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