Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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