Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize