I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
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I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
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currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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