so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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