Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I need water and some morals
Randomize
