i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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