did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
only you would photoshop your dick
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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