you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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