i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
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i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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