Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize