i think my tv is drunk
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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