that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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