my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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