if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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