worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I need to align my fucking chakras
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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